@conanobrien - Twitter Profile Analysis

Still no smash-and-grabs at Edible Arrangements.

If I hadn't given Ellie Kemper an internship she would be scraping barnacles off of old garbage scows. Hear me force her to agree @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr

I will rise again, like a phoenix that tripped over an extension cord, hurt its shoulder, and then awkwardly stood up.

I teared up watching “The Beatles: Get Back,” because Disney+ no longer has a 30-day free trial.

You know who’s really upset today? The makers of New Variant beer.

My fan Emily, who studies clinical psychology, said I'm "too self-aware to be a narcissist." Hear @SonaMov’s profound disappointment. https://t.co/pfOk236hQr

Before we eat, my father always makes us join hands and debate critical race theory.

Today I’m thankful for my family members who follow me on Twitter.

Check me out on this week’s episode of @HypochondriActor talking to @SeanHayes and @WaliPriyanka about how I laughed in the face of ocular shingles. https://t.co/4DZqbGCM6X

I’ve got a turkey breast and legs, but the wings and giblets are stuck off the Port of Los Angeles.

If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.

Whenever I speak with @JohnLithgow, I am immediately happy. Test my theory with our latest conversation @ https://t.co/pfOk236hQr

Now I can finally replace my HTR SO290 accelerometer’s tri-directional 0.2 Hz level shifter by myself. https://t.co/DpHEX1Q5j3

THREE DAYS without any new photos from the Mars Perseverance rover? @NASA has betrayed our nation.

Talked to skydiving instructor about parachute malfunctions, the worst place to accidentally land, and how she thinks I'd do during a tandem jump. https://t.co/pfOk23nSHZ

Congrats to our entire staff and crew on their Outstanding Variety Talk Series #Emmy nomination!

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