Jason Manford's Twitter Profile Analysis @jasonmanford on Twitter

86 tweets

33 retweets

80 replies

My already dodgy form couldn’t take the risk pal. I’m gonna have two weeks off and blame Covid! https://t.co/gyY4MyTPOb

Haha I love that this is your concern 😂 I actually wasn’t. They’re new super sharp Joseph Joseph knives. I was stupidly using the smallest one to cut the plastic tag off a new garlic press! My #muddleclass life will be the death of me 😂 https://t.co/gtGU6vD3NB

That’s what my wife said! Well she actually said ‘it’s lucky the floor isn’t tiled yet!’ 😥😬 https://t.co/EMBwGlD3Tn

I did suck my finger when it first happened but there was so much blood I felt like Armie Hammer 🩸 🧛‍♂️ plaster on the way! 😥😂 https://t.co/CTkMgaKPJI

Ooh crikey! Dangerous this lockdown isn’t it?! 😬 https://t.co/uRb3SoTiOk

I don’t mean to be a ‘bloke’ about it but I don’t like the idea of wasting their time in the middle of a pandemic for a cut 😂 https://t.co/dJ7b8CQJjb

I did bloody faint! Ha! Not lost that much blood since I split my head open on a railing when I was 7! 🩸 https://t.co/8fuSbOk4NZ

Thought about a stitch but it’s right on my finger tip so guess I have a different fingerprint now? https://t.co/xezktC4Ttm

Stupidly rushing with the dishwasher tonight so I could grab quick game of Fifa before city match. Ended up stabbing my finger with the sharpest knife, right to the bone! Blood everywhere! Like the Red Wedding in our sink. Worst thing is it’s my ‘Finesse shot’ finger too #SodsLaw https://t.co/x1U5uFYBm7

That would be CK McDonnell. Follow him here @Caimh https://t.co/vE4Fs5MlKI

Ha @chris_kammy is brilliant at it all 😂 https://t.co/P7a6dkvqNy

Haha I think it’s great. It’s when it’s a foreign player and they make them say a really British phrase that makes me chuckle 😂 https://t.co/KkOcX9ikRO

Ha yeah, my mum does it about her dog too. She sometimes does it with inanimate objects. Just gives them voices 😂 https://t.co/lFywUsDFzO

My favourite thing that commentators do is put words into players mouths. ‘Thiago’s read the situation there and said to Bruno Fernandes “I’m not having that”’ No he never, he never said that 😂

Ahhh thanks @IAMKEVBISH. We do always have a genuine laugh on our @absoluteradio show every week. Nowt better for the soul. ❤️ https://t.co/MdhBtp2Ty3

Yesterday, “the best backing band in clubland” met on zoom for a little reunion to celebrate 20 years since Phoenix Nights first aired. https://t.co/UruuysILaj

I’m now officially the Jason Manford Show’s weird news correspondent. (In no way official. I just made this title up for myself but now it’s a life goal). https://t.co/LOdQ16NmQn

Good morning! @JasonManford & @sirsteveedge here. Last week I bought my son this lego container for £38. I thought it would hold all his bricks...how wrong was I! I want to know, when have you ever drastically mis-ordered something? 📻 https://t.co/oaqVHhPIuJ https://t.co/bkXDsD5aBD

@JasonManford we watched one of your shows last night. It was so funny we laughed till we cried. Left with some profound thoughts. We were blown away, thank you so much.

I remember seeing @JasonManford on this tour in Cardiff when I was at a major low point. These words really touched me then and still do now.... I've made a lot of progress since then thankfully, but I'll always remember this and the effect it had on me. https://t.co/iNDivzCAz5

Comedian @JustinMoorhouse has stepped up to the plate during lockdown to help the community, taking part in a “jab-cabs” service helping older and vulnerable people get vaccinated. @DrOscarDuke reports in #ITVTonight's ‘Vaccine: When Will I Get It?’, on @ITV at 7:30pm. https://t.co/SX4v1k6NCQ

Trying to stay positive for my children, I feel like one of those people at the bottom of an escalator in a shopping centre with a rictus grin trying to interest passers-by in a spiraliser. #parentinginCovid

You and all our volunteers are doing a fantastic job @JasonManford Thank you! We've got this Stockport 💪💪💪 https://t.co/N0tdXseo97

“Just because you are struggling doesn’t mean you are failing” @JasonManford https://t.co/bEorNRCLrB

🤣🦴Over 80s patients across Stockport continue to get their Covid vaccinations but it might be their funny bones that get the most exercise if they bump into these volunteer drivers, comedians Jason Manford and Justin Moorhouse 🤣🦴 @StockportNHS https://t.co/ptW5p1HYAZ

If you missed @JasonManford this morning, be sure to grab the podcast from our website or all your usual places. https://t.co/JapXZNe1Mq

Nana Manfords shopping list! She’s 97! Fuck being healthy 😂 https://t.co/bf9SoYlDaL

#StopTheBritishGasFire @HazelJN @GMB_union @BritishGas 7 Kids, a dog and a cat say, “No Way, Mr O Shea!” https://t.co/3Uy69lhiyp

Eric was selling loose cigarettes. Phillando reaching for his identification. Trayon was walking through a neighborhood with skittles. George allegedly had a counterfeit $20. Anarchy in the capitol and law enforcement spent the first hour with their hands in their pockets. Ok.

I’ve even rewritten the lyrics ‘Frosty the snowman, was a terrifying soul, With a city scarf, a mouldy carrot nose, And two eyes made out of STONES! Frosty the snowman, is a scary tail they say, But he’s made of snow and the kids all know, He’ll be back for revenge someday”