key takeaway: humans aren’t the problem—it’s our systems. we don’t need to vanish to heal the earth, we need a revolution of policy and ideology that changes the way we interact with the earth. the problem is our methods, not *us,* and to think otherwise veers into ecofascism https://t.co/kiST3xBOZ7
Beans After Dark @goodbeanalt
british people be like im bri ish
Christine Woods @stendahlknows
PSA: If you want to still have movie night with friends without risking COVID-19 spread, Chrome has an extension called Netflix Party that allows you to simultaneously stream Netflix with friends. It has a chat window & play/pauses for everyone in the group so you stay synced.
El Salvador has cancelled all rent, water, phone, internet, electricity bills for three months AND they’re building a hospital IN CASE of a major outbreak. MY third world country did THAT
Really don't wanna fucking hear about how hard it is for celebrities to self-isolate in their multi-million-dollar, multi-acre, fully staffed mansions. https://t.co/zBS67H2DUg
Molly Tolsky @mollytolsky
Pro-tip for couples suddenly working from home together: Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. In our apartment, Cheryl keeps leaving her dirty water cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her.
I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to change my Netflix password so my ex can’t use it anymore and it doesn’t really get much better than a national lockdown
call me rileigh or call me nothing @ohgeminii
i wish some of y'all would understand that these closures & cancellations aren't because they think everyone is going to drop dead of covid-19, it's bc it's really important to slow down the spread of the virus bc hospitals will not be able to handle everyone getting sick at once
Dana Jay Bein (#DJB) #CoronavirusRhapsody @danajaybein
I've lost my mind.
I wrote Coronavirus Rhapsody:
Is this a sore throat?
Is this just allergies?
Caught in a lockdown
No escape from reality.
100T Froste 💯 @Froste
if BTS gets Coronavirus the stans are gonna find a cure within 24 hours
Cornelia Griggs, MD @CorneliaLG
My babies are too young to read this now. And they’d barely recognize me in my gear. But if they lose me to COVID I want them to know Mommy tried really hard to do her job. #GetMePPE #NYC https://t.co/OMew5G7mjK
Barack Obama @BarackObama
If you’re wondering whether it’s an overreaction to cancel large gatherings and public events (and I love basketball), here’s a useful primer as to why these measures can slow the spread of the virus and save lives. We have to look out for each other. https://t.co/Ld7Uc8sPTQ
Quentin Quarantino @bryanyang
if you guys keep calling it the chinese virus then we get to call it the white mass shooting
i can’t even remember what we used to talk about before coronavirus
Coronavirus said this ones for you Princess Diana
maybe ur not scared of coronavirus but u should be scared about passing it on to ppl you know who are at risk. thats not just old people - its ppl with asthma, ppl who smoke, ppl who have underlying health problems (aka a lot more people than you think)
Gillian Turner @GillianHTurner
BREAKING: The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
emily perez @Lou16em
My professor just told me that if we get a whiff of smoke it’s because another professor put the papers he was grading in the microwave to rid them of any chance of Corona Virus & then the papers caught on fire... I can’t make this stuff up people
Natalie Gregerson @nattygeeee
Turns out my top three hobbies are:
3) non-essential businesses
ᴹᴿ.ᴰᴿᴱ 💎☣️ @MrDre_
If I gave you 100 skittles and told you 3 of them could kill you.... I’m sure you would avoid the fucking skittles https://t.co/VOqOdq4C9d
Adam Bedford @adambedders
Our 5 year old seems to have deemed himself the local virus warden.
Over the fence to our neighbour:
‘JEAN YOU NEED TO GO INSIDE’
‘Okay I will in a minute’
‘YOU’RE OLD AND THERE’S A VIRUS’
‘I’m not that old thank you’
‘HOW OLD ARE YOU JEAN?’
‘THAT IS NEARLY 70 JEAN.’
corona virus my tweets
funny at first but people are
starting to get concerned now
Laura Norkin @inLaurasWords
A funny thing about quarantining is hearing your partner in full work mode for the first time. Like, I’m married to a “let’s circle back” guy — who knew?
Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton
I know this is all hard for you, @realdonaldtrump, so let me spell it out:
- Free testing
- Fee waivers
- Emergency sick leave
- Giving a damn
❣️EDM Cupid❣️(87%) @VT_EdmCupid
Quarantine idea: go through your camera roll and finally delete all that extra shit you have lmao
queen quen @quenblackwell
THINGS YOU CAN DO WHILE IN QUARANTINE:
-building a rocket
-fighting a monkey
-climbing up the eiffel tower
-discovering something that doesn’t exist or giving a monkey a shower
-surfing tidal waves
-creating nanobots or locating Frankenstein's brain!
## qi ☁️ YUNHWA @tinyunhwa
covid-19 please stop your world tour
is quarantine not those little oranges?
Jason Reid @JasonReidUK
If you’re upset about regular folk hoarding toilet paper, wait till you hear about how a tiny percentage of rich people have hoarded most of the world’s wealth.
Drew Gooden @drewisgooden
People are acting like a temporary quarantine is the end of the world. It's not. Avoiding large crowds doesn't mean you can't go outside. Take a walk, go on a bike ride, hotbox the whip, ask shawty to drop it low for you (after she washes her hands). You can still live your life.
My Quarantine Routine:
8-9 AM: pour up
11-12 PM: drank
12-1: sit down
2-3: stand up
4-5: pass out
6-7: wake up
shonda rhimes @shondarhimes
Been homeschooling a 6-year old and 8-year old for one hour and 11 minutes. Teachers deserve to make a billion dollars a year. Or a week.
venmo: ehjovan @jovronavirus
i think liking men is more dangerous than coronavirus
Nikki Insana @NikkiInsana
You’re telling me my professor who can’t stop the YouTube autoplayer from playing the next video is going to teach classes online? This should be good.
Andrea R MD @AndreaR9Md
Update. The Cleveland Clinic has developed a COVID 19 test that gives results in 8 hours as opposed to the 2-3 days it takes for the other tests.
They developed the test in NINE days, I repeat nine. Scientists worked 24/7 once the CDC gave them the okay on 3/2.
1920: Alcohol is prohibited
2020: Liquor stores are an essential business during a national health crisis
Maybe: Jacoby @Getthebagcoach
This Tweet from @Getthebagcoach has been withheld in response to a report from the copyright holder. Learn more.
what’s y’alls new sleep schedule mine is 5 am to 2 pm :)
John Henry @JohnHenryStyle
Suddenly, the whole nation is depending on the same people they say shouldn’t make $15 an hour.
not melba @Melbreezy_
Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic??? Bitch read the room
the corona virus doesn’t scare me but the fact that the world is literally coming to a hault bc of it is kind of frightening
Rebecca Mehra @rebecca_mehra
I went to the grocery store this afternoon. As I was walking in I heard a woman yell to me from her car. I walked over and found an elderly woman and her husband. She cracked her window open a bit more, and explained to me nearly in tears that they are afraid to go in the store.
It wasn’t no corona till y’all started balancing brooms in the house, y’all let the devil in
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
The world is at war with a hidden enemy. WE WILL WIN!
a job will have you 19 with a 35 year old best friend “ like damn where jackie at today?” 😂😭😭😭
Sophie Lagacé @MechanteAnemone
Hot take: if public schools are shifting to online classes, then internet is a basic service and everyone should have access.
Lauren Faulkner @lauzyfaulks
I know coronavirus is on everyone’s mind right now but please can we just take a minute to think about all the doctors and nurses working literally day and night potentially risking their lives to look after the infected. I can’t imagine how awful this pandemic is for them