Emily R. King @Emily_R_King
My local Costco is out of Eggo waffles. A man & woman reached for the last box at the same time. Though he was there first by about 2 secs, the woman insisted they should go to her & her children. I KID YOU NOT, the man, who had his 2 teens w/him, replied, "Ma'am, leggo my Eggo."
Harley R. Pageot @yrechoheart
Did I see you Americans are getting a one-time $1200 check to cover COVID unemployment? Because Canada just announced $2000/month for the next four months.
i hate this pandemic if i wanted to waste my early 20s i would have gotten married
Day 2 of no basketball : just found out my girl fav color green. Who tf like green
Ethics Gradient @grahamvsworld
My 5yo stormed out of my office when i told him i had to do a meeting. He was very mad that i couldn't look at his crafts like i did yesterday. I tried to explain that it was Monday and I had to work, and he yelled "Monday isn't real" on the way out. I'm still just sitting here.
florist tannies⁷ @hyejoohobi
asia got the coronavirus on LOCK yet they the ones getting all the racism and hate while europe has it worse and europeans spreading it like y'all colonizer ancestors and ain't nobody joking bout them......
Ben Conarck @conarck
My 89 y/o grandmother, who is isolated at home in CT, just told me she reads the replies to my tweets and then investigates the profiles of people who leave rude replies. So don’t be mean to me or my grandma will judge you.
kdot ➐ @just_kdot
my wedding cake gonna be an edible and im not warning anybody
🔴 LIVE! | 「無限」 @mugendaiyo
im really sad cause my parents got chinese yesterday and the dude was so happy to see us cause we're regulars there, he told my stepdad "we've been very low on sales lately, but we recognized your order and gave you more rangoon and egg rolls, please be safe out there"
Ramtin Arablouei @ramtinarablouei
My Uncle in Iran passed away from corona virus. He was gentle and kind. He’d been battling cancer for several years. His family had to stand one hundred meters away and watch him be buried by men in hazmat gear. My Aunt is now sick. Please take this virus seriously.
gliitterr princess ✨ @Daniellee_Reiss
Do people realize they can just buy a Brita instead of 100 cases of bottled water or ???
The Real Kim Shady™️ @Boobalander
I turn 50 today guys, alone in quarantine.
3 years ago I’d set a goal. I said that I was going to have a new life by this day if I could not change my abusive marriage.
Well, I could not change it. Nothing worked. Nothing.
So today, I sit alone on my 50th.
In peace. ♥️
Kumail Nanjiani @kumailn
People get upset and annoyed at me when I tweet about the coronavirus, when I urge people to stay in and avoid crowds. My favorite person in the world is immunocompromised. Go ahead and unfollow me. I’ll be tweeting about this until I’m down to zero followers.
Andrew Yang🧢 @AndrewYang
If you find out about a nation-threatening pandemic and your first move is to adjust your stock portfolio you should probably not be in a job that serves the public interest.
All My Homies Say FUCK Carole Baskin @itskenblatchi
The Chinese barely left their country
Ask the Italians why they were traveling island to island like Super Mario World https://t.co/O38esHgjSb
british ppl be like "are you schewpid"
Pre K ❄️ @stayfrea_
News don’t even tell us the weather nomore they be like good morning CORONAVIRUS
Isolation = you have tested positive for the virus
Quarantine = you have been in contact with someone who has tested positive for the virus & are waiting to see if you develop symptoms
Social distancing = something everyone can do to reduce the risk of transmission
alex 👽 @bahayogi
Actually, soaps do help. The virus is a self-assembled nanoparticle and the weakest link is the lipid bilayer. When you wash your hands with soap it dissolves the fatty membrane and the virus falls apart thus becoming “inactive”. Please wash your hands. https://t.co/Dhy1cEa6aW
Ryan Brooks @ryanbrooks
A bar in my neighborhood is delivering entire liters of their premixed margaritas for $25 and you get a complimentary roll of toilet paper with your purchase and it’s really starting to feel like there are no rules anymore
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters
Natalie Silvey (Stay at home - save lives) @silv24
This is the face of someone who just spent 9 hours in personal protective equipment moving critically ill Covid19 patients around London.
I feel broken - and we are only at the start. I am begging people, please please do social distancing and self isolation #covid19 https://t.co/hs0RQdvsn3
Matthew Thompson @matthewtgreens
Funny how all of these ‘low-skilled’ jobs (cleaners, delivery drivers, retail assistants) that so many look down upon are now on the frontline holding society together whilst we work from home.
Those jobs aren’t low-skilled, they’re essential and they should be paid as such.
Jack Ma @JackMa
The first shipment of masks and coronavirus test kits to the US is taking off from Shanghai. All the best to our friends in America. 🙏 https://t.co/LTn26gvlOl
Mi mama vencioooooo el canceer🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
Daniel Burnell @the_real_bnell
The Office: Coronavirus
Michael ignores the “work from home” memo because he thinks that everyone should be together at a time like this
Dwight acts completely normal & claims genetic immunity
Angela wears a hazmat suit
Kevin says that he’s had it for weeks & feels fine
Stick & Move 🕺🏾📸 @_SinceNinety3
Can y’all please just follow the government instructions so we can knock this coronavirus out and be done? I feel like a kindergartner that keeps losing more recess time because one or two kids can’t follow directions.
Fernando Haddad @Haddad_Fernando
É duro ter que lidar com um vírus e um verme, simultaneamente.
Fatih Terim @fatihterim
Bugün yapılan test sonuçlarına göre Corona Virüs sonucum pozitif çıkmıştır. Hastanede emin ellerdeyim. Merak etmeyin. En kısa zamanda haberleşmek üzere..
Nicholas Gerr, PhD @TrilliamClinton
Corona got these flights cheap as hell I gotta job interview in Greece Monday
Marcus Gray LaPorte @MarcusGrayDoor
Things Covid has proven:
1. The job you were told couldn't be done remotely can be done remotely
2. Many disabled workers could have been working from home, but corporations just didnt want them to.
3. Internet is a utility, not a luxury
4. Universal healthcare is necessary
EXIT 兼近 @kanechi_monster
jack rem x @jackremmington
I’m screaming that these brothers are literally having an argument on live telly about who’s their mum’s favourite son,amongst an international pandemic I- https://t.co/yn97oldq7a
Aisha Ahmad @aishaismad
American: COVID19 is super scary
American: Isn't it crazy how expensive the test is?
American: And that I have to go to work even if I'm sick?
American: And don't even get me started on quarantine co-pays
6’3 For No Reason @PlayboiJxy
Nobody decline a call faster than a 4 year old watching YouTube 😭😭
yall be like “fuck landlords!” and then evict animal crossing villagers for being ugly
The year is 2075.
“Grandma why do you like sitting outside”
Me: There was a time this was illegal.
Kaitlyn McQuin @kaitlynmcquin
You know who’s really gonna suffer during this social distancing?
Dudes on dating apps
Welcome back to courtship, Brad. Welcome back to talking to a gal for WEEKS prior to meeting.
We’re pen pals now, my dude.
We bout to get Jane Austen up in here.
Now, write me a poem.
full-snack developer @daniamluc
For those of you who don’t know, Cuba’s largest export isn’t tabacco or sugar, it’s doctors. Life expectancy in Cuba is greater than life expectancy in the U.S, and they have more doctors per capita than *most* developed nations (three times as many than the U.S). https://t.co/o7sXBuQaSH
love one another @girlziplocked
If your job is so "essential" that you can't get off for a killer global pandemic, you deserve $15 an hour and a union.
Edward Hardy @EdwardTHardy
14 day ago, Donald Trump called coronavirus a hoax at a campaign rally