Sir Mo @moreki_mo
I swear we are fighting two pandemics
Covid 19 and Stupidity
I lost my Dad this morning to COVID-19. He was my rock, my best friend, and my hero. He had virtually no symptoms and 48 hours later he was fighting for his life. I’m begging you guys from the bottom of my heart, please stay inside and be safe.
Rachele with an e but pronounced Rachel @PettyClegg
my boss turned herself into a potato on our Microsoft teams meeting and can’t figure out how to turn the setting off, so she was just stuck like this the entire meeting https://t.co/uHLgJUOsXk
Pigeons probably think we’re extinct
Bill Pulte @pulte
I’m going give $3,000 to someone random who retweets this tweet in the next 72 hours (must be following me so I can dm you. Will show proof, as always)
HIKAKIN😎ヒカキン 【YouTuber】 @hikakin
almond tits @_ayannaE
April fool's cancelled this year cause aint shit funny
Beans After Dark @goodbeanalt
british people be like im bri ish
Cornelia Griggs @CorneliaLG
My babies are too young to read this now. And they’d barely recognize me in my gear. But if they lose me to COVID I want them to know Mommy tried really hard to do her job. #GetMePPE #NYC https://t.co/OMew5G7mjK
Jeffree Star @JeffreeStar
I’m gonna give away $5,000 to 3 random people who retweets this and follows me! ❤️ Quarantine is lasting way longer than expected and I wanna keep helping out. Love you guys ⭐️
Natalie Gregerson @nattygeeee
Turns out my top three hobbies are:
3) non-essential businesses
1920: Alcohol is prohibited
2020: Liquor stores are an essential business during a national health crisis
what’s y’alls new sleep schedule mine is 5 am to 2 pm :)
Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden
One thing I’ve learned so far in quarantine is that my husband refuses to microwave anything for 45 seconds, he always does 44. When I asked him why, he said, “For Obama.”
Sophie Lagacé @MechanteAnemone
Hot take: if public schools are shifting to online classes, then internet is a basic service and everyone should have access.
People who fall asleep right away freak me out. Don’t u bitches have thoughts ????
ダルビッシュ有(Yu Darvish) @faridyu
why the fuck don’t toasters have a window so you can see how toasted your bread is
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
I am a great friend and admirer of the Queen & the United Kingdom. It was reported that Harry and Meghan, who left the Kingdom, would reside permanently in Canada. Now they have left Canada for the U.S. however, the U.S. will not pay for their security protection. They must pay!
Uncle Grumpy calls more Bullshit. @GrumpHatesTrump
My wife is a doctor of 27 years. She's been working 14-16 hours a day & today was her first day off in about a month. She slept all day, and I let her because she damn well deserves it. We're coming up on 36 years, and I have never been more proud of her than I am right now.
BRAVEY WEDNESDAY 🇬🇭 @WaveyWednesday
I just went outside and lemme just say, THAT SUN HIT DIFFERENT WHEN ITS ILLEGAL
Ben Conarck @conarck
My 89 y/o grandmother, who is isolated at home in CT, just told me she reads the replies to my tweets and then investigates the profiles of people who leave rude replies. So don’t be mean to me or my grandma will judge you.
Ethics Gradient @grahamvsworld
My 5yo stormed out of my office when i told him i had to do a meeting. He was very mad that i couldn't look at his crafts like i did yesterday. I tried to explain that it was Monday and I had to work, and he yelled "Monday isn't real" on the way out. I'm still just sitting here.
british ppl be like "are you schewpid"
Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz
Q is too high up in the alphabet. I respect it but it has no place between P and R. Should be at the end with the weirdo/goth letters
Mi mama vencioooooo el canceer🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
The year is 2075.
“Grandma why do you like sitting outside”
Me: There was a time this was illegal.
it feels like january, february and march were all 3 different years
The Moment. @b0mbchell_
When they finally open outside again I’ma still stay home for a little bit ...let the first batch of air hit y’all first and see what happens just to make sure the coast is clear lol
Ca$hly Banks @TypicalLowLife
I remember my mama used say “outside ain’t going nowhere” now look at outside? Gone.
What are men doing during all this extra free time? Reflecting on their actions i hope
Danielle דניאלה @dani_miyerah98
- Don’t qualify for $1200 check if claimed as dependents
- Don’t qualify for $500 bc over 18
- Don’t get tuition refund
- Don’t get rent forgiveness for off-campus housing
- Don’t get to keep on-campus jobs
- Don’t get student loan forgiveness
“are u a top or a bottom?” Well.. ACTUALLY I’m a burden
ex Brit @philleehh
I live in Germany, where they applaud their health service by funding it
ronnie mcdonnie @taladorei
with everyone on lockdown, the lime scooters are finally returning to the river. nature is healing, we are the virus. https://t.co/I0IbCfiMnj
Eugene Gu, MD @eugenegu
So it’s official. We’re number one in the world for coronavirus cases, even surpassing China which has more than 4 times as many people as the United States. That’s because despite spending more money on healthcare than anyone else, we have one of the worst health systems around.
a ⁷ @brownboklit
march has dethroned january as the longest month of the year because what the hell
Boris Johnson #StayHomeSaveLives @BorisJohnson
Over the last 24 hours I have developed mild symptoms and tested positive for coronavirus.
I am now self-isolating, but I will continue to lead the government’s response via video-conference as we fight this virus.
Together we will beat this. #StayHomeSaveLives https://t.co/9Te6aFP0Ri
Amber lee ⚓ @Amber_Hobbs7
Brides are cancelling their big day. People are dying alone. Funerals of no more than 10 people. Healthcare workers staying away from their family for weeks/months to prevent infecting them with COVID- 19. The list goes on..
Meanwhile there’s SELFISH people on my snap partying..
MY CHILDHOOD ABUSER DIED!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO